Ask Woo-Woo Debbi_square

Dear Woo-Woo Debbi,

Is it possible to reconnect with the departed loved ones?

Shankar S.,


Dear Shankar,

Absolutely! I really like your term “departed ones” because it conjures the idea of a journey, and that’s exactly what “death” is: a movement from one state to another. When someone we know moves to another state (or province or region) in a geographic sense, we may not ever physically see them again in this lifetime. But maybe we’ll keep in touch over the phone or Skype or email. We might even hop on an airplane, train or vehicle and visit them in their new abode. 

It’s not all that different when people “die” and move to another state of consciousness beyond the physical. Communication of various types is still possible. It’s just a matter of whether or not it’s desired by one or both parties. 

In many cases, the departed one moves on. Meaning, their focus is no longer centered on Earth life. They are expanding and growing, experiencing different realms of consciousness in other dimensions. They are on a very personal journey, as is true for everyone. So if the departed ones don’t prioritize talking to us, we shouldn’t take it personally!

Sometimes, a departed one really does want to communicate with us. They may be doing so already, but if the communication is subtle it can go unnoticed. It depends on the departed one’s style and their ability to bridge the gap between dimensions (not always an easy task). Some discarnates make their presence boldly known by manipulating physical objects or electrical circuits and appliances, for example. Some are even mischievous. But contrary to what Hollywood would have you believe, ill intent in interactions is quite rare.

Limiting Beliefs about reality keep us “stuck,” even in death

When a person “dies” but stays close to the Earth plane for a prolonged period of time (in our perspective of time), it is their limiting beliefs that keep them “stuck.” For example, the person may have firmly believed that death is truly an ending and that life is extinguished after the body dies. So once they “die” and find themselves still very much alive, their beliefs don’t know what to do with that. It keeps them stuck in a pseudo-physical reality, clinging to the only thing they know and believe in, which is physical Earth life. If we encounter such persons in spirit form, we do them a favor by encouraging them to move on and expand (“go to the light!”). There are professionals who come in and “clear” spirits from a house, but I say anyone who has a strong desire to work with the spirit realm can cultivate that ability. I’ve done it myself with minimal training.

The vast majority of people will voluntarily move on, beyond the Earth plane, after “dying.” Where they go next is a wide world of wonder to discuss and ponder—too much for a simple blog post! (If you’re interested, there’s much more here.) But let me convey a few basic things to keep in mind:

If a person has had a particularly difficult end-of-(Earth)life experience—for instance, involving a lot of pain or trauma or drug-induced altered states—then they are probably recuperating for a while. But linear time is not experienced “there” the way we experience it “here.” From your standpoint, 6 months could transpire after the death and you’re wondering why you haven’t heard from them. From their point of view, that could feel like a mere 6 seconds. Maybe they held a vague intention to get back in touch with you, but weren’t quite ready yet.

On the other hand, some people quickly progress to their next adventure. While you experience a week gone by after their departure, they may have already moved on in some major way, perhaps even shedding the personality construct / name / identity that you know them by!

The reality that the departed ones now find themselves in seems far more “real” to them than their Earthly experience. Earth was very much like a dream. Analogously, here on Earth when we wake up and re-inhabit our physical bodies fully each morning, the dream life seems hazy. We don’t remember a lot of it. Maybe we think about it for a bit, but generally we move on and put our attention on our current reality. We’re not doing harm to someone in the dream by not going back and communicating with them.

If you have a burning desire to hear from them, I would encourage you to go within and ask yourself “Why do I want or need this?” If you just want to know that they are okay, can you trust that they are on a very personal journey, and that each gets what s/he needs? Can you be at peace with it by deciding that it’s okay for them to have their own journey—even though its timing differs from yours? This is unconditional love: allowing others to do whatever they need to do, free of interference or judgment, as you love and support them. It’s that classic saying: “if you love something, set it free.”

If you have things to say that were left unsaid, say them or write them. Transmit your message telepathically. Get it off your chest. Let go of unloving thoughts and feelings toward yourself or the other.

If you’re still really wanting to hear from departed ones but do not detect any communication, I suggest that you communicate to them first. Instead of making statements such as “I never hear from so-and-so,” ask and invite. Get into a quiet meditative state and focus on that person’s energy—what you love and appreciate about them. Visualize if it appeals to you, or just conjure a happy memory. Say (silently or aloud), “So-and-so, I would love to hear from you. Please communicate with me,” or ask a specific question, then stay open to answers that may come when you’re least expecting it. Regular meditation is a great way to get into a receptive state.

Communication from discarnates can come in a variety of creative ways, just like communication from spirit-guides (and in some cases, discarnates who were in our lives become spirit-guides for us after they leave). Signs and symbols, dreams, overheard conversations, unusual things occurring that are meaningful to you and the departed one, even mysterious emails or faxes!, visions, voices, overheard conversations. . . all manner of methods. To open yourself up to communication from departed ones, take the same advice I give to people for opening up to their inner/higher guidance: don’t assume it has to come in any particular way or at any particular time, and don’t insist it has to make perfect sense (initially). Just practice the Art of Allowing, and combine that with the habit of asking questions. Relax, stay calm and receptive, and you’ll get a response.

Mediumship is a useful option

Lastly, you can always enlist the help of a Medium. (And anyone who’s sufficiently motivated can develop mediumship too. There are schools that teach this ability.) When people ask me to recommend a medium, I usually direct them to the Spiritualist Church. I’m not a member of it myself (nor am I a member of any group or religion) but I find them to be of high integrity. Their church is founded entirely on the function of mediumship and their simple mission is to ease humanity’s suffering by proving that life continues after “death.”

Another great resource, for those keenly interested in directly exploring alternative dimensions of consciousness, is the Monroe Institute. They utilize sound technology to synchronize both hemispheres of your brain, and this enables you to easily enter alternate states of consciousness. In particular, their Lifelines program focuses on connecting with those who have left the Earth plane, helping you “travel” to the dimensional “places” where discarnates hang out and have conversations and shared experiences with them. It’s fascinating stuff! (Wanna learn more? Click here.)

When you, yourself, exit this mortal coil you will likely feel the ecstasy of being freed up from physical restrictions, and you will look back on this wondrous Earth-Life dream with amazement and appreciation. And those who are near and dear to your heart will certainly reappear in your experience in some form or another, in some “place” and at some “time.” And it will feel as if you’ve never really been apart. After all, Time is but an illusion for us to enjoy while we’re playing the Earth Game!

With Love & Support,

a.k.a. Woo-Woo Debbi

Take a vicarious journey.

Adventures in Consciousness is a mini-memoir of Debbianne’s initial experiences at the Monroe Institute: travel to other dimensions, communication with “dead” loved ones, healing, personal growth and so much more!