When you’re single, images like this one can be either exhilarating or depressing.
And it tends to intensify when Valentine’s Day comes around. But actually, your emotional response to these things is a rapid-fire way to identify your limiting beliefs about Love.
Does that infamous “Hallmark Holiday” trigger emotion for you? Is it the happy or the crappy variety? Either way (and even if V-Day is completely irrelevant to you) I’d like to remind you that thoughts always precede emotions. What do you think about Valentine’s Day, and about Love and Relationships in general? Because whatever YOU personally think and believe determines not just your emotional response, but YOUR personalized physical-reality experience as well. It doesn’t matter what other people think—unless you adopt their thoughts as your own Beliefs.
What is your life experience—and your emotional reaction to that experience—trying to tell you about your underlying Beliefs?
Beliefs are really just thoughts you’ve thunk so many times that they’re running on autopilot. But it’s not that difficult to set the controls back to “manual”—to bring unconscious programming into the light of conscious examination. It’s just that most people don’t… because they mistake their experiences for “just the way life is.” Limitation is not “the way life is.” Limitation is the product of false Belief Systems. But hey, if you’ve been caught in the Spin Cycle, you’re certainly not alone! And the good news is, you can “come clean” with yourself break loose from that cycle of limitation.
Here’s a simplified example of how the Human Spin Cycle operates. Let’s say you cultivated a Belief ever since you were a little girl that says: “Men are liars.” You may have adopted this Belief from your mother or grandmother, who believed it, and/or you may have concluded it from your observations of men in your life. A thought becomes a Belief when it gets reinforced many times; after that, it operates on autopilot. So you’re no longer consciously aware of it, in most cases. You grew up and got into romantic relationships with… surprise! men who lie to you. Your mind uses that experience to bolster the Belief. But it’s clearly not “just the way life is.” You can realize that it’s a personally-generated limitation when you look around and compare notes with other people. Everyone’s got their own custom set of Limiting Beliefs here in the Earth Game. Be aware, however, that you’re likely to magnetize people to your social sphere who share many of your Limiting Beliefs. So without heightened awareness, comparing notes backfires. Your mind uses it to further sanctify the Belief: “See? These other women think men are liars too!”
Whatever you’ve been experiencing with regard to love is indicative of your underlying Beliefs. Granted, it can be a bit tricky to become an objective observer of your own patterns and the false limiting Beliefs that created those patterns. Which is why I’d like to shed some light on the process for you.
One of my recent MENtoring clients, Gloria (not her real name), was quite upset. She’d already found the Man of Her Dreams. In fact, they’d been in an on-again, off-again relationship for several years, but it had just ended stormily, and seemingly “for good” this time. The emotions she was experiencing—anger, hurt, anxiety—were the products of her false limiting Beliefs. Or more precisely, negative thoughts and emotions happened whenever she focused on her not-so-fun reality. But that reality is not set in stone. It sprouted from her personal Beliefs about Love and about herself and about this man.
She believed that he was the only one for her. And deep down, she believed that she was unlovable, so this man who appeared to love her so much was “her only hope.” These were some of the more vocal troublemakers we uncovered amongst her collection of Limiting Beliefs. She started feeling better once she grasped that these were not actually THE TRUTH. They’re just Beliefs. They are choices among many that you can choose. And when you choose differently, your actual reality shifts. The trick is to pull rank on the negative voices. I know, when you’re alone in the Human Spin Cycle, your mind can beat you up pretty badly. It points to your physical-reality experience as “proof” that the Belief is true. “See? I told you so.” But that’s a trap, so don’t fall for it! You can shift to a different, more pleasing Love experience any time… by upgrading your Belief Systems.
Removing self-blame and self-judgment from your thinking gives you much better access to the truth. Self-Love opens many doors!
The Truth about Life is that the Law of Attraction must obey your commands. Gloria was essentially “commanding” that she was unlovable, so the Law of Attraction provided her with experiences to match those commands—including an unsatisfying relationship. In other cases, Limiting Beliefs about Love will keep you out of relationships altogether. That’s a self-protection mechanism based on faulty Core Beliefs, and unfortunately it can lead a person to accept additional Limiting Beliefs such as “there’s no one for me” or “I’m just not good at Love,” etc. Realizing that you’ve been carrying around self-sabotaging Beliefs can be painful to look at initially, but it’s a lot easier in the company of a supportive friend, coach or mentor to keep you from falling prey to self-recrimination. An outside perspective—perceiving your Spin Cycle from the outside—is key, however you manage to attain it.
Once Gloria understood that she really does have options—that she’s living in an unlimited universe abundantly stocked with all things, including wonderful men and love experiences—and that the real source of her misery was a deficit of self-love, she began to see the light… and FEEL lighter. It’s difficult to convey the transformation she underwent, because it’s an energetic shift that both of us could feel, and I only have words to work with here.
But here’s what’s really going on: when you start tapping into The Truth—however you manage to arrive at it—you get your power back. The Truth about who you really are, which is, of course, a powerful infinite spirit-being. (And that sounds like an empty platitude until you actually feel it as being true.)
Once tapped into that eternal Truth, you feel clearer, lighter and more empowered. There’s no denying it: you have shifted. You have begun to transcend the Limitation by looking it in the eye and acknowledging that it’s made of smoke and mirrors!
The Truth about YOU is really quite simple. The only Truthful statement you can make about yourself is “I AM.” That’s it. YOU ARE. You exist. You are consciousness. Anything else that follows “I am” in a statement of Belief is a “half-truth” as seen through the limited human perspective, and many of these are downright nasty lies about YOU. If your mind is saying “I am too picky” or “I am overweight” or “I am not seeing suitable men” please understand that none of this is really The Truth, as convincing as it seems. All of it is re-negotiable. Yes, every bit of it.
Nature does abhor a vacuum, so you’ll want to replace those liberated negative statements with shiny new positive ones. You can cultivate helpful Beliefs such as “I am attractive,” “I am successful at Love,” etc. Technically, these are Limiting Beliefs too, but obviously they’re benign ones. They’re only true from your Earthly perspective because in Truth, YOU are so much bigger than any of this stuff. But hey, while we’re here playing this Earth Game, you might as well make the most of the tools! In other words, get to know the Human Spin Cycle and use it to your advantage, rather than allow it to continue putting you through the wringer.
Seeing why the Limiting Belief has served you is hugely transformational.
Back to Gloria’s story. She went from disheartened and doubtful to bright and optimistic when she got clear about how and why she co-created her experience with this man. I got her to set aside her practice of beating herself up, and that allowed the fog to clear. She could see how her childhood experience caused her to embrace self-sabotaging Beliefs, and how these auto-created her Love Life all these years. It was actually a mind-blowing experience for her. But she felt really alive and powerful once she aligned with the Truth that this stormy Love Life was no longer inevitable or out of her control. As a powerful MANifestor, she now understands that she can create more new and better Love experiences. When you remove the self-blame and judgment, you have greater access to The Truth of your unlimited, powerful nature. It’s not so much about grasping for Truth; it’s an act of allowing it to come—of making space for it in your consciousness.
In Gloria’s case, perhaps this guy truly IS the right man for her. Or he may be what we call “driftwood”—meaning, his finer qualities are indicative of another lover yet to come. It really doesn’t matter which, and it’s important to detach from the outcome and allow, allow, allow. The Physical Mind* is incapable of knowing anything it hasn’t already perceived, so it can’t see the future. But, unfortunately, that doesn’t stop it from making you feel terrible by insisting that other options don’t exist. Don’t believe the hype, MANifestor Sister! Turn away from Physical Mind’s negative, limiting thoughts and bring the focus back to Self-Love. When you occupy yourself that way, the “outer” details of WHO, WHEN, HOW and WHERE will be handled, in due time, by your Higher Mind.* It’s actually a feeling of great relief when you finally hand over the keys and stop trying so hard to figure it all out. And that happier, more relaxed state is conducive to meeting that Man of Your Dreams.[Read more about Physical Mind vs. Higher Mind in “How I Met the Man of My Dreams: a Guide to MANifesting® Yours.”]
What once seemed like a horrible thing (Gloria’s break-up) surely was “for good,” because it motivated her to look within, and to seek MENtoring assistance that really accelerated her growth. By daring to bolster herself and talk back to those negative voices that say “I’m not lovable” and “I lost my only chance” (by using, among other tools, some AffirmMantras™ that we crafted) she’s becoming magnetic to a new vibrational-level of Man. Whether that man turns out to be a “different version” of her former heartthrob or an altogether new suitor is none of her concern; it’s the domain of her Higher Mind. But either way, she wins. Either way, she gets to have what she wants: a satisfying love experience. And it begins anew… with SELF-LOVE and SELF-SATISFACTION.
What have YOUR beliefs been telling you?
And what would you like to say back to them?
You can simply decide what YOU prefer to believe about Valentine’s Day. If you see a handsome man buying flowers and candy for his wife, or a happy couple out wining and dining, rather than whining about it you can decide that you’re getting a sneak preview of YOUR love affair. Consider it driftwood—signs that YOUR dreamboat is about to sail in. Use whatever fodder presents itself to you for visualizing and refining YOUR preferred scenes. Bust out that ever powerful and playful tool in your MANifesting toolbox: Fake It ‘Til You Be Makin’ It!
The very fact that you’re witnessing these romantic scenes means you’re in the vibrational vicinity of something pleasing. You just need to remove any faulty Beliefs that separate you from Love, like the ones that say: “Love is for other people, not me.” ‘Tain’t true! Love is for YOU, too.
With Love and Support,
P.S. I made you a Love Recipe to follow!
It’s chock full of tasty ingredients and professional tips for getting on the road to true love. Plus it’s in a fun format to keep it light-hearted. That’s important because it’s easy to get heavy and serious and start wondering if Love will ever happen to you. This recipe will infuse some light, levity and love into your consciousness. Click on the image below to download the Recipe… and get cookin’!